Here I am, 29 years old, and I've got the most intense schoolgirl crush on one of my English profs, who's maybe eight or nine years older than I am. I thought I outgrew this stuff 10 years ago. I am haunted by his unbelievably green eyes, his expressive hands, his wiry build, his Slavic nose, the barely visible greys in his sand-colored hair. I spend unhealthy amounts of time fantasizing about him. His beauty is matched by his brilliance; I want to get into his mind as much as I want to get into his pants.

Though he has remained professional, I do sense a mutual chemistry, but that could be a delusion. He says hi when we cross paths on campus, and the one time I approached him outside class for advice on an assignment, he did stand pleasantly close and hold my gaze. He might just be friendly. I don't know.

For the length of the course, I wouldn't dream of making a move beyond eagerly participating in class, dressing attractively and maybe smiling too much. Still, I am already plotting how I might approach him once the semester is over and the grades are official. How do I suss out whether his heart is free? (He doesn't wear a wedding ring.) I don't want to mess up his chances at tenure, but I so long to get to know him outside school if he's available. Any suggestions on asking him out in December? Does his career make it hopeless?

I've done a bad thing. My girlfriend keeps her diary out in plain sight, and several times in the last few months I've given in to temptation and read it. Apart from the fact that I now know things I never wanted to know, I'm feeling guilty about my snooping. Do I confess, or is this one of those cases where telling will only make things worse? I've sworn to myself I'll never do it again, and haven't peeked in over a month now. I'm serious about this woman and am terrified of how she'll react to my betrayal of her trust; on the other hand, I also feel funny about keeping a secret from her. And is there any way to ask her to please hide the damn thing somewhere without arousing her suspicions?

Two years ago my first novel was well received by a New York publisher, who suggested that if I cut the manuscript in half and concentrated on the main character, an offer might be made. I did this just in time to lose the manuscript (and part of my house) in a mudslide. It took 15 months to reassemble and edit the thing, and I sent it off with a cover sheet reminding them who I am and what I'd written. Five months later and I haven't heard back. I understand that editors are busy, but e-mail and one phone message haven't been returned, and I'm running out of patience. What is the etiquette here? How long does one wait to hear back?

I love my boyfriend, but I have no sexual desire for him, or for anyone. I don't know what's wrong. I used to be a pretty lusty person. Now sex almost embarrasses me. And its not him: He's a good lover and the kindest, sweetest guy in the world. And cute.

I've gained some weight since we've been living together (about five years), and maybe my weight gain has caused some self-loathing, but I only wear a size 12 or 14, so it's not like I have to wash myself with a rag on a stick or something. And he still seems to find me sexy. The poor guy is always asking me why don't I want to make love anymore, and I don't have an answer. What's wrong with me? I really do love him, we have a great life together. I want to start liking sex again -- how can I do that?

My husband and I have been together for five years. Four months ago he got his "dream" job, one that involves a lot of flashy expense-account travel. He's home only eight to 10 days a month. When we met, he was a kid from the 'hood on his way to the big time. I loved his ambition and supported him all the way. We were soooo in love and full of hope -- or so I thought.

A few weeks into the job, he became resentful of the fact that I asked for a phone call once a day and to know what hotel he was staying at, etc. He wanted to not have to "report" to me and just wanted to give me his cell phone number. He did his best to ignore my calls and e-mails. I was getting the hint. When he was home, I was a mess as he withdrew his affection and attention.

Now he says he doesn't want to be married right now, doesn't want the responsibility and wants to enjoy his new life. I still love him, immature and selfish as he is, but I've always been an independent woman and I really need to move on here. He says that he still loves me very much and is just confused and unable to deal with the stress of both a job and a wife.

Am I wrong to feel a real loss of respect for him here? Am I wrong to be giving up hope for our relationship? I just can't shake the feeling that anyone who can just give up a wife (who they proclaimed their love to every day), a future family, etc., at the drop of a hat is a selfish bastard with mental-health issues and kind of an asshole. What's going on here?