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My husband and I have been best friends for years with the man who
introduced us. We love him like a brother. Through the years, we have
watched him burn through women and friends, using them for his own
purposes and then casting them aside. Because of his wit and enigmatic
personality, people let him off the hook. We always looked the
other way, not wanting to be judgmental. It was easier to take this position
when we didn't know the people he was doing it to. But in the last six
months, his selfish actions have deeply upset my husband and me, making
it difficult to look the other way. It's nearly impossible to talk to him
about serious issues like this; he shuts down at the very sight of
confrontations. We are having a difficult
time throwing away a longtime friendship, but aren't able to trust this
friend whom we love so dearly. He needs to know what's up
and we simply do not know what to say to him. Stuck Dear Stuck, Write him a letter. Be careful what you say, but write to him
and let him know what you've witnessed and how you feel about it. And
then wait for him to approach you about it. This lets him know what's up,
and it also spares him the confrontation he dreads and gives him a
chance to think over the ethics of what he's doing and how it offended
you. When he's ready to talk to you again, he'll be in touch. You run the
risk of losing his friendship, but if you're losing respect for him, you may
lose that anyway and in a slower, more painful way. Dear Mr. Blue, I am a single, 27-year-old male who recently went back to school to
finish up a postponed undergraduate degree. I waited tables for years
while trying to figure out what to do with my life. Two years ago, I took
a peek into an improvisational comedy theater and find myself hooked. I
receive a lot of praise and find myself addicted to the pressure of being in
the spotlight in front of a crowd. But I feel the pressure to settle into a 9
to 5 career like most of my friends who are financially stable and have
significant others. I feel a strong pull toward the comfort they all
have, and it is tough to justify my want for the struggling actor's life,
especially starting out at 27. What should I do? Late Bloomer Dear L.B., There is no substitute for finding work that thrills you, and
you've found it onstage doing comedy. So long as you love doing it, you
have something more valuable than stability and comfort. Some very
desperate people enjoy financial stability and physical comfort. Keep on
with what you're doing, and be watchful for opportunities to take bigger
chances on bigger stages. Dear Mr. Blue, When my boyfriend and I decided to get married I told
him that a bachelor party with a stripper was out of
the question. Am I being uptight or is it fair to put
my foot down to an insulting tradition? Nobody is
going to wave a penis in my face before we get married
so why should I accept a nude woman giving him a lap
dance? Bucking the Tradition Dear Bucking, Tradition it may be and a primitive one it is, getting the
stud excited before he mounts the mare, and if you don't like it, you're
not uptight to object. If the boyfriend and his pals want to go see
strippers, they can do it on their own; it needn't be an official sanctioned
wedding event. Dear Mr. Blue, My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s and work
at the same place. For a while I kept catching him
obviously checking out a 19-year-old temporary
receptionist. When we are out in public together I
constantly notice that he is giving attractive girls
the once over. Should I be concerned about this
wandering eye? Jealous Again Dear Jealous, I'd think a man odd who doesn't enjoy looking at attractive
young women, but you're the one standing next to him and you're
concerned about it, so I guess it's a problem. You'll find it hard to restrict
his vision, though it might help to move to a religious community where
the women wear sack dresses. First, you might think about your own
jealousy and where it comes from. Do you feel unattractive? Do you feel
you have so little to offer as a friend that the young man would prefer a
babe, any babe? And if you do, then maybe you need to indulge in a little
self-examination. Jealousy is a virulent misery.
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