I can't take the whining of the wannabe artists and writers who seek your advice each week. "I think I could be a great writer but I can't seem to find my muse." "I want to write my novel but I am sooooo tired after a full day of work." What a pack of whiners! They don't understand these simple facts: Writers write. Painters paint. Artists make art. They just do it. Every day. They don't wait until they aren't tired or until they feel like it or until the muse seduces them. They work when others hate the results. They work when they hate the results. They work because if you don't work you will never create anything, good or bad. These people aren't tough enough to write, to paint, to draw, to dance. They don't want it badly enough. Period.

I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost five years now. For the first few years it was great, but lately, serious problems have caused us to separate several times. He had an affair, which was very shocking for me, and things haven't been the same since. I don't feel attracted to him anymore and have no interest in sex whatsoever. About five months ago I cheated on him with another guy a number of times and then I got caught too ... so, my life is a big mess now. I love my boyfriend. He would do anything in the world for me and is a truly wonderful person. He desperately wants us to work things out. His rationale is that we've been together for five years. I'm just very confused. I can't stand it that I'm not even interested in sex or attracted to my boyfriend anymore. Can I get what we used to have back, or is it too late?

Six years ago I had a brief affair with a man I met on an archeology dig. He was manly, gentle, brave and intelligent, and I fell intensely in love with him. We went our separate ways, and I had fantasies of a life with him until I heard he had another girlfriend (whom he has since married). Obviously, I was wrong. But it's been soooo long, and I am still plagued by flashes of intense desire for this guy, although I haven't seen him now in years. Obviously I am nuts. But what I want to know is this: A) Why am I still at the mercy of this passion? B) Will I ever know such intense desire for anyone else -- i.e., is this evidence more of his attractiveness, our chemistry or my own obsessive tendencies; and C) How do I make it stop?

About four weeks ago at a party I met a woman who took my breath away. We exchanged numbers and went out a few days later and subsequently spent several days practically joined at the hip. I was/am falling for her; she is witty and warm and possessed of boundless affection. During our conversations she made several somewhat cryptic allusions to a "condition" she was living with. One night she came over looking a bit frazzled and over dinner she revealed that she has been living with a low-grade form of lymphatic cancer for the last two years; though it had been a "watch and wait" situation, she'd just received some bad news from a test and would have to begin a course of chemotherapy imminently. Thus, what was a wonderfully light, new romance one minute became something entirely more heavy the next. I care a great deal for this woman, but I am just getting to know her, so I am very unsure as to whether I should be occupying a central place in her support network, whether a relationship can have a healthy beginning in the midst of such an ordeal. Oh, and she lives on the opposite coast. What do you think?

I had a complicated on/off friendship/relationship -- high highs and low lows -- with someone who over the years became one of my best friends. He's the greatest in a number of ways. He is also screwed up, rude and thoughtless, and now and then he hurts me to the quick. We made a disastrous attempt to be a couple, but that's over, and I thought we could be friends. The last time he hurt me, I was helping my father to die, and I couldn't deal with my friend, so I said I would get back to him later. Since then, I have not responded to his communiques. I don't want to lecture him, and I don't want to explain my absence. Do you think it's all right to break my promise that I would contact him? I do care about his well-being, and don't want to do anything ugly. However, I can't imagine any words from me would change anything, so whaddya say?