I have an obsessive crush on the best friend of my girlfriend of four years whom I still love dearly. My girlfriend knows about my feelings and said she wouldn't believe I was truly heterosexual if I didn't feel this way about her friend. Weird, right?

Now the best friend wants to apartment-hunt with us. We're all 23 and poor in an expensive city, and a ménage à trois makes monetary sense. My girlfriend, however, is oblivious to the fact that my lust for her friend is boundless, and I'm worried that things could get ugly if this comes out once we're all on the same lease. At the same time, the prospect of the woman I have and the woman I want together with me under the same roof is hopelessly tantalizing.

Am I a total cad or am I legitimately muddled? I know my problem might seem trivial, but it's scary growing into love and finding that there don't seem to be any rules about the right or wrong way to do it.

I'm 27, have a great job, nice house, good friends. I feel very lucky. However, my last relationship was six months ago. A week ago I ran into my ex and felt all of the things that I had felt before. Her face and smile were just radiant. We have always been on good terms. The reason we're no longer together is that I wasn't ready for such a commitment. I wanted to experience life on my own for a while. I can't stop thinking about her and think that maybe I'd like to see her again. My friends are warning me against this behavior. What can I do to see if the time is right?

I am a 27-year-old single woman. I have been close friends with a 25-year-old guy for over two years now. I have, on occasion, entertained the idea of us becoming physical, but it's always been more out of curiosity than anything else. We are at different stages in our lives, and I seriously doubt we could ever make it as a couple. Besides, we're like siblings. Several weeks ago, I went to visit him and some other friends who were working out of town. We had dinner and drinks and soaked in the nightlife, and I ended up sleeping in his bed at the hotel because it was late and I knew there was no chance of any funny business. Boy, was I wrong. We agreed that this would never happen again and went out to breakfast like nothing was wrong.

Ever since then, he won't return my calls. Normally we talk at least four to five times a week when he's out of town. I'm afraid this has ruined our friendship, which I value greatly. What's going on with him? Why is he avoiding me? What should I do?

I'm married to a wonderful man, have a great job, wonderful friends, good health, etc. A few years ago, my dad unceremoniously dumped my mom for a younger woman -- a long, sordid, ugly tale full of lies that did a number on my siblings and me, not to mention my mom (we have the counseling bills to prove it). Anyway, my dad is still involved with this woman, enjoying a high-roller lifestyle unlike anything our family ever had together. For quite a while after my dad first left, he hid the relationship from "the kids," as even he was obviously embarrassed by it. And now he has flip-flopped, wants us to embrace his girlfriend and is pressuring me to visit them and stay at their home. (We live at opposite ends of the country.) We're now supposed to be adults about the whole thing, forgive, forget and all be friends. My relationship with my dad is still very strained, and I just don't know if I can handle this. I am very close with my mother, so I feel a little like a traitor.

In a world of moral relativism, I feel like the last holdout. People I love and respect have very mixed reactions and throw up their hands on this one. What do you think?