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Two years ago, my beautiful poet broke up with me after several
passionate, wonderful years together. We grew apart when I
became an entrepreneur and lost my credibility with the slacker
poet crowd. I thought I was being mature and sensible by letting
her go. But now I regret not following my heart. The new woman in my life is wholesome, funny and generous, but
she just isn't the beautiful poet. And now the b.p. is back in my
life. My heart dares me to pursue her again. Reason suggests I
let it be. I'm almost 30, want to have children, a peaceful home, dreams
my new woman shares with me. But must I live a life without
poetry? Papa Dear Papa, Sounds like a mutual thing -- she broke up with you,
you let her go. In what sense is she back in your life? Is she
pursuing you? Or do you simply see her across a crowded room at
poetry seances? "Wholesome, funny and generous" strikes me as a
tepid review of the New Woman. So I'd let things drift along here
for another year or two. No sudden lurches. If the Beautiful Poet
should write a poem to you, write it out by hand on fine
parchment and give it to you, and if you like the poem, and if it
strikes you as romantic, then consider taking up with her. But
poets are notoriously poor bets in marriage. Even if you get one
who isn't wildly self-destructive, she is certain to write about
you someday and this will not necessarily be flattering. Think
about it, Papa. There are beautiful, wacko, grim, needy poets who
can make a man long for the wholesome, the funny and the
generous. Dear Mr. Blue, I'm in love with my best friend. When we first got to know
each other, I had a girlfriend, she had a boyfriend. Then she
moved away. Now, five years later, for career reasons, she moved
back and we're neighbors again and unattached. I have this incredible urge to tell her my feelings, but I don't
want to alienate her. I want to do the right thing, but
suppressing all these emotions is slowly killing me. She hasn't
lived here long, she just broke up with a guy and her job is
quite stressful. She used to talk about us being an item, back
when she was far away, but I feel now that maybe she doesn't want
to deal with the reality of it. Just Friends Dear Just, If you're afraid a declaration of love might spook
her, your hunch is probably right. Just be her friend, be kind,
be helpful, be present, don't hurl yourself at her and let your
feelings emerge naturally, which they will in due course. It
isn't a corporate merger, you don't need to put out a press
release; it's a sweet romance, let it sneak up on you. Dear Mr. Blue, Why is it when anyone writes to you and mentions being fat your
first response is to tell them to lose weight? Most fat people
have tried to lose weight, usually to no avail. That perpetual
struggle is soul-crushing misery. In my experience, the best thing I've ever done for myself was
learn to love me the way I am and watch how well my newfound
self-confidence attracts people around me. Can you try to imagine
a happy, healthy fat person, please? Large and Lovely Dear L&L, You got it, I can imagine it. The people who mentioned
obesity to me, however, struck me as feeling sad or queasy about
it. I proposed change because they seemed to yearn for it. I
believe in people changing their lives. People do it all the
time: quit drinking, change their eating habits, become
vegetarians, switch parties, quit jobs, move cross-country, fall
head-over-heels in love with unlikely people, have religious
visions and follow them, and God bless and good luck. I also
believe in accepting one's lot and being grateful and content.
And I know plenty of unhappy size 6s. Dear Mr. Blue, Do you have any proven methods for better balancing
family, work, writing? As a 30-year-old mom of a 5-year-old, I work approximately 55 hours a week outside the home to pay
the mortgage, buy the food and clothes. I spend the rest of my
time with the husband and child doing fun family stuff or the
not-fun family stuff if the laundry needs to be done. Stretched Thin Dear Stretched, If I gave you any advice whatsoever on this, my
wife would laugh herself silly. All I can say is, you can't write
well when you're tired. You can be tired and be with your family
and often they'll revive you. As for paid work, it can be
carnivorous these days; the pace gets faster, the demands
heavier and you simply cannot give your loyalty to a company or
organization that wants to eat your flesh. A 55-hour workweek is
not supportable over the long run by anyone with a family, I
don't care who it is. We are not immortals. End of homily. Go in
peace. Dear Mr. Blue, I'm a 41-year-old woman, living in Washington, D.C. While I truly
enjoy my life and interesting work, friends and family, I feel
lonely for romance and marriage. Is it too late for me? I have
always attracted, and been attracted to, younger men not
interested in marriage. Now I've begun dating a much younger man,
again, who is lovely but doesn't yet know how old I am. At the
same time I have become intensely attracted to a married man my
own age. We spent a night together not long ago. I feel guilty
about it but also excited. My personal life is a mess. What
should I do? I feel the need to chart a new course but sometimes
feel like I am too old and have missed the boat. Marooned Dear Marooned, No, it's not too late for you. You're not sitting in your
bathrobe, eating cherry creams, weeping into a hanky, you're out
there leading what most people would consider a darned
adventurous life. Is it a mess? OK, if you say so. For
starters, don't get wrapped up in the married man: This is a reef
on which many women's ships have crashed. Court the lovely
younger man, and keep your eyes open for any other prospects.
You're not marooned at all. You're in heavy traffic.
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