April 27, 1999 | Dear Mr. Blue,

Hopelessly hooked

Dear Hopelessly,

I don't judge your story, and I can't say if something is wrong with you. It's odd for a relationship that is purely sexual to last so long, and I assume there's more between you and him than simply lust. You seem happy and anxious at the same time, living in a situation that pleases you but also isn't what you imagine for yourself. An odd bargain, like having a million dollars and living in a place where you can't spend it. If you feel the affair is a dead end, then close it out gradually: ration your encounters with him, keep reducing the ration. I recommend that you pay more attention to other aspects of your life -- work, family, your spiritual life, your friendships (which you may have neglected in your intense involvement with this man) -- and build them back up, and see if that doesn't give you a clearer perspective on things. And a better independence, so you can make this break if you need to.

Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears in Books, every other Tuesday + Biography + Archives Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue.

Dear Mr. Blue,

Another fine mess

Dear Another,

The pledge was premature, apparently. Or else the Macarena has a power previously not known. I think you're young and healthy and enjoying yourself and not ready to settle down. You don't need to make any big announcements about this, but let your relationship slacken and don't look too hard at the future. Chances are, you're marking time, waiting for someone else entirely, maybe a better dancer than either of these guys.

Dear Mr. Blue,

Discontented roommate

Dear Discontented,

A good roommate is civil and pleasant, not a friend but someone you like well enough and who has that gift, important in close quarters, of making herself unobtrusive, of not imposing her problems on you. This individual clearly falls short. You can try to train her -- give her the rules, smile, say, "Here's how it works" -- but that's a long shot. It's a pain to move out, but better to be done with this than suffer month after month. Be careful in picking a new one. Rule No. 1 is, Never live with one who doesn't have a good sense of humor. (This rule applies to other situations, too.)

Dear Mr. Blue,

Single soccer mom

Dear Single,

This is going to take some more time, and what you shall do is look after yourself, enjoy your good life and try not to think too hard about what you're missing. And do something about your feeling of youth slipping away. You're too young to feel that way, or so thinks Uncle Blue, so get on the exercise bike, hang out with younger women, get your hair done, do what you need to do to rejuvenate. You're obviously a wonderful woman, and someone will come along who thinks so too, but it's going to come as a big surprise to you and probably won't be the result of smart strategy on your part, just love walking in and driving the shadows away.

Dear Mr. Blue,

Gritting my teeth

Dear Gritting,

If an empty milk carton on the counter has you gritting your teeth, I don't say you should ignore it. Or the TV in the morning. On the other hand, it's going to be awkward to select a new lover on the basis of tidiness: I mean, good housekeeping is not where a romance begins. So many of the tidiest men are gay. So before you dismiss this nice man, you might consider how to go about replacing him. Maybe you could locate a few candidates first, by hanging around home-appliance departments and watching for guys shopping for vacuums. But do keep in mind that there is no relationship between two people that does not include irritation. You might get a very tidy man who has the irritating habit of complaining about your housekeeping.

Dear Mr. Blue,

Glum chum

Dear Glum,

Take a couple days off and do something nice for yourself -- ride your bike, sail, go to movies, lie in bed reading mysteries, whatever you love to do. And purge yourself of this mild obsession with defeat. Every writer has plenty of detractors. You'll have even more of them after you publish this book. Ignore them and do your work. Burn the rejection letters. I mean it. And then get to work. You will write this book, day by day, a few hundred words at a time, following a plan, making notes -- you know the mechanics -- and by this steady application, and by the regular strokes of inspiration that come to a focused person, you'll write the best book you can. What happens to it then is a question you can't consider now. Bring the child into the world, and then worry about its future.

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