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A L S O_ T O D A Y [IVORY TOWER] The teachers we loved Writers send valentines to the people who opened their minds [MOTHERS WHO THINK] Drama Queen Candidates The strangest declarations of love [COLUMNISTS] Sexpert Opinion: A call to hearts By Susie Bright Being single on Valentine's Day doesn't have to be a downer 21st Log Slate rejoins the Web The 21st Challenge No. 18 Results By Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau Microsoft antitrust haiku   T A B L E__T A L K Is Opera the best browser around? Find out more about this desktop contender in the Digital Culture area of Table Talk   Search for technology books, software and more at barnesandnoble.com Search by:  Keyword Title Author     R E C E N T L Y The scandal domain name game By Patrick J. Shields Viewed through the lens of domain registrations, Monicagate looks tawdry in a whole new way (02/11/99) To catch a thief By Wagner James Au In this new 3-D game, the emphasis is on stealth instead of shooting (02/10/99) Let's Get This Straight By Scott Rosenberg Video killed the Microsoft star: The company's tape demonstrated its own ruthlessness (02/09/99) Lawyers, guns, money? By Janelle Brown Pundits and insiders reveal their personal preparations for the Y2K disaster (02/08/99) Let's Get This Straight By Scott Rosenberg Why is it so hard to find a valid yardstick for measuring Web traffic? (02/05/99) - - - - - - - - - - BROWSE THE 21ST FEATURES ARCHIVES - - - - - - - - - -

BY PATRIZIA DILUCCHIO Sex sells, right? But for a lot of people opening the package in the privacy of their own bedrooms, what's inside is not what they thought they were buying. At least, that's the impression you might get if you had the password to my mail server -- where for the past three and a half years, I've been receiving anywhere from 50 to 100 letters a day in my guise as a sex and relationships columnist for Women's Wire. That's a lot of e-mail -- well over 50,000 pieces. What started as a lark, a means of generating supplemental income that promised to be more fun than addressing envelopes in my spare time, turned into something of a wired Miss Lonelyhearts' attempt to connect the dots. I couldn't possibly answer every question. But that doesn't mean I don't want to. How does one get paid, as you are, for inane, maundering and downright stupid advice-giving? -- Joan in California It's hard to remember, but a mere four years ago the barriers to entry for Web publishing were still quite low. Any woman who has ever experienced or participated in the male sex drive is eminently qualified to write about it, I figured. Plus, I had the résumé: I'd been a nurse, a health policy analyst, a criminologist, a model, a topless dancer, a writer, an editor and an index entry in a book called "The Joy of Cybersex." When I heard that Women's Wire -- then a dial-up or telnet-based message board community akin to the Well or Echo -- was reinventing itself as an editorial entity on the Web, I lobbied hard to become their Sexpert. After all, I liked sex -- but even more than that, I liked telling people what to do. I'm 29 years old and have never had an orgasm, I don't think! Is it possible that I have had orgasms and am not aware that is what it is? Is it really like in the movie "When Harry Met Sally" or has Hollywood created unrealistic expectations for me? Please help! -- Kayleigh in Washington Is there a correct way to perform oral sex on my wife? -- Anthony in Minnesota The paradoxes were there from the start. Sex is the inside-trading information that keeps pop culture afloat -- yet, at the same time, everybody's neurons are programmed to give pretty much the same response when stimulated, no? There's probably more free-floating sexual information available today then at any previous point in history -- but there's also more misinformation; and the relationship between the two is not clear-cut, but more like the intersection of two overlapping Venn diagrams. My female readers have some very basic questions: What does sex feel like? When do I know that I'm having an orgasm? Does penis size count? Should I sleep with my boyfriend or stay a virgin? The men ask directions: Where can I buy sex toys? How can I get my wife more interested in me sexually? What are some things I should know about oral sex and being in the 69 position? These were questions that most people knew the answers to back in the '70s, at the height of the sexual revolution; but in this age, when intercourse carries risks far darker than pregnancy or a dose of clap, sexual naiveté can almost be viewed as an adaptive behavior. I try to keep my answers direct, medically correct and appropriately humorous. It's not always easy. N E X T_ P A G E .|. "I don't want sex with my husband at all ... and it seems he want all the time" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Become a Salon member. Click here.