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- - - - - - - - - - T A B L E__T A L K The e-book: Would it work? Would you read it? Join the discussion in the Digital Culture area of Table Talk - - - - - - - - - - R E C E N T L Y Let's Get This Straight
Who owns the desktop?
Mr. Gates, meet Mr. Antitrust The Internet strikes back Trashing the flamers - - - - - - - - - - BROWSE THE - - - - - - - - - -
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Tinkerer's paradise AT A PITTSBURGH INVENTION FAIR, INNOVATION IS ALIVE AND WELL -- AND RIDING MOTORIZED SUITCASES.
BY SARA KELLY | It took an inventive mind to find the entrance to Monroeville's ExpoMart, a brown metal bunker floating disconsolately in a sea of empty parking spaces just outside Pittsburgh. Perched alongside a twin brown box housing the ITT Technical Institute, this is the Rust Belt's answer to Silicon Valley. Fortunately for the dauntless hundreds who made it to the Invention Submission Corporation's 14th annual INPEX Invention/New Product Exposition -- the "World's Largest Invention Show" -- last weekend, the building's impenetrable layout did not preclude the sense of manufactured excitement that motivates today's new infomercial-loving invention community. But even if a would-be INPEX attendee couldn't find the way in, ample excitement was readily available in the ExpoMart parking lot, which for these five days took on the unmistakable air of a county fair -- minus the 1,000-pound pig and throngs of threatening 4-H kids. Here, local thugs bent on demonstrating the Waterless Carwash wandered the aisles with cans of spray foam. When they weren't busy spraying and wiping, they passed the afternoon looking like a pack of menacing tailgaters. Meanwhile, some 50 yards behind them, a South African agriculturist inspected twin towers of hay in preparation for another demonstration of Matt Moolman's Burnfree Survival Hydrogel Fire and Trauma Blanket. Lending new machismo to the milquetoast invention business, Moolman threw a blanket soaked with Australian tea tree leaf oil over his head and followed a line of baby powder between stacks of burning bales. Those who actually made it to the exhibit hall were treated to a much more cerebral brand of invention entertainment. Here, there was a palpable anxiety, a hopeful, performance-based nervousness emanating from the exhibitors as people walked by eyeing their wares and -- so they imagined -- sizing them up for a career-saving stint on the QVC home shopping network. This is where Indiana inventor's son Doug Boes caught my unthinking eye and purloined two minutes of my time. "You and I both know that your husband has too many tools," he said as he whipped out the Tool Buddy, wheeling it abruptly forward, unfurling its many wrench-drenched arms, displaying its versatility. I pondered the significance of this line: was he admitting to voyeurism? Had he thought through the possibility that my husband might be, for instance, Rosie O'Donnell? This is where some advance preparation would've come in handy. When attending an invention show, as I learned last weekend, you'd do well to establish a few ground rules first -- otherwise things can rapidly devolve into chaos. These rules are already familiar to the seasoned carnival-goer, but for those of us who can't recall the last time a total stranger demanded two minutes of our time while brandishing something called the "Tool Buddy," just a few quick affirmations may mean the difference between an enlightening romp and an invocation to a Javanese mob riot. Savvy invention show attendees should shape a set of rules around their own definitions of personal space and tolerance for product televangelism. Here are mine: 1.) Do not, under any circumstances, make eye contact with exhibitors -- unless an exhibitor is flaunting large amounts of chest hair, has a limited command of English or is hawking something you can make private jokes about at his expense. 2.) Approach exhibition staff as you would approach your typical traveling carny or child star from "Diff'rent Strokes" -- which is to say with extreme caution. 3.) Steer clear of inter-inventor conflict. Do not, as I did, allow yourself to become a pawn in the raging class struggle between the old man who sells the electric water-bottle hoist and the one who sells the home distillation system. And whatever you do, do not ask for a ride on a motorized suitcase. - - - - - - - - - - - -
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